Does such a thing as a tormented soul really exist? If it does, then mine must be the epitomy of such a thing.
I have my own problems with epilepsy and asthma, not knowing when or if I'm going to fall ill again, but I have my partners problems to deal with too. She has bi-polar disorder, so highs and lows, anxiousness and paranoia are daily occurences.
One day she thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread, the next she's not sure about our relationship and we need to see a sex therapist (I have to admit, things aren't that great bedroom wise at the moment, so there is a strain on the relationship).
Add to all that, she has a very religious family, both parents are vicars and her upbringing has been very, well, christian/C of E. Whereas me - yes, a religious family for the most part, except my immediate family. My mum left it all behind when she met my dad 30-odd years ago so I have been a non-practising Catholic the majority of my life. Until that is about 4 or 5 years ago when a couple of friends introduced me to paganism, wicca and a whole new way of life.
But I digress. This past year has been the worst for me, because getting involved with my other half (who I love very much by the way) I feel has taken me away from my true self. Although her family know and accept that I am gothic, I still feel I have been drawn in to their lives more than I ever thought possible. And that scares me.
To be true to myself, I know I have to practise wicca, and follow a paganistic lifestyle a lot more than I have been doing. I have been ignoring my true self and trying to be someone I'm not, all for the sake of a relationship.
Do I need to take a break, or can our relationship survive a change in lifestyle, me getting back to old ways? Can it even survive the sex therapist? If it doesn't, she's gone any way so that could solve my problem - but I dont want things ending like that. I dont want things ending with her at all. I just dont know what to do.
And so the tormented soul rumbles on.