.......or can things only get better?

I just wish I knew. Why? Well, the start of the year, you probably all remember me moaning about losing my job, even though I was trying to help people. And then being on the social while I struggled to find another job. And even when I found one, I still had to wait to get paid for nearly seven weeks.

Then I lost Nigel, one of my best friends, to an unsuspected heart attack. That came as such a shock, it was unreal. I'd known the guy for years. He was not only my friend, but my mentor. I still miss him.

Then little Liam. The 17 year old fellow Liverpool fan I mentioned two blogs back. 17, and the poor kid contracted, and eventually died from, stomach cancer. And having met him and his family, that hit me rather hard too.

OK - I know it will have hit the families harder for both of these, but it still hurts.

But now, yes you've guessed it. It's my turn. I'm not just on the outside looking in anymore. It's now my family that has been hit. My nan is in hospital suffering from lung cancer. Has been for a couple weeks now. OK, she's 84 years old, love her. And she's smoked for 66 of those 84 years, so I guess you could say she's had a good innings. But it was still unexpected. Nobody knew it was coming. And when she went into hospital for the second time in a week, we knew it was serious. They kept her in that second time. For the first week, we didn't know whether the tumour was actually malignant or not, but eventually tests confirmed that it was.

I'm going down to see her next week. Got the coach tickets booked. Plan on spending about 4 days with my family - and a lot of that will probably be at Nan's bedside. I just hope Nan manages to hang on until I get down.

So there you have it. It's been a terrible start to the year, what with one thing or another. What I don't know, is which addage will prevail. Things may only get better from here on in. Or the year may have started as it means to go on.

I just don't know.

Yep, you read right folks! I've finally got a new job!!

Started last Wednesday as a receptionist in this poky little local hotel. It's not bad, but the hours aren't that great and the pay isn't brilliant. But a job's a job right?! There's a lot to learn - more so on the early shift (which is 7am til 3pm) than on the late shift (3pm til 11pm). And the one thing that has freaked me out is the finance side of it. I've never been any good with money, and trying to sort out the guests bills, count the floats, print out and add up all the room lists and what people owe, trying to tally it up with this sheet and that sheet!! The list is endless. But I'll get the hang of it.

I also have another interview on Monday week, the 28th for a job that I would prefer to do, so if I get that then the hotel job will be going bye bye. But I'll wait and see what happens first. Don't want to be making any rash decisions now!

I'm just happy to be off the social and back in work.

I come before you all with a request this afternoon, a request for positive energy. Not for myself, but for a young 17 year old lad who lives not too far from me, and is a massive supporter of Liverpool Football Club like myself. I found out about this last night. The lad is called Liam Harker, and this is his sad story (taken from the Liverpool FC website):

"Liverpool supporters have once again proved just why they're held in such high esteem all over the world after rallying round to bring some joy to a young Liverpool fan dying of cancer.

On the eve of the Fulham match, liverpoolfc.tv published the tragic story of Liam Harker, a 17-year-old Liverpool fanatic from Darlington, who was presented with a signed shirt by his Anfield heroes on the day that doctors admitted there was nothing more they could do to save his life.

Liam only found out he was suffering from stomach cancer six weeks ago after he was admitted to the Royal Victoria Infirmary Hospital in Newcastle. After being treated with an intensive course of radiotherapy, Liam was told on April 3 that he had beaten the cancer as the tumour had started to shrink.

Things took a serious turn for the worse the following day when Liam became very ill however. X-Rays revealed that the cancer had not only returned, it had spread throughout his body. It was at this moment that his parents were told that more radiotherapy would only help prolong his life by a matter of weeks.

On April 11, Liam was told he had just two weeks left to live and was allowed home to die. Macmillan nurses are on hand round the clock to help him and his family at this incredibly difficult time. Upon arriving home, Liam's wish to his dad was to spend his final days in a shirt signed by the players he idolises. He also asked his dad to bury him in a Liverpool shirt when he dies as he's lived and breathed Liverpool Football Club all his life.

When news reached the club of Liam's plight, the youngster's dad was contacted and Liam was invited down to Melwood on Monday to not only pick up a signed shirt but also be taken on a tour of Melwood and meet not just the players but also Rafael Benitez.

Unfortunately, Liam was advised by doctors that he wouldn't be able to make the trip to Liverpool due to his worsening condition as even short trips between his home and the hospital in Newcastle for radiotherapy sessions take too much out of the youngster.

However, while Liam couldn't make the trip to Melwood to pick up the shirt, on Friday one arrived special delivery at his home in the North East from Liverpool complete with the autographs of all his heroes.

News of Liam's brave battle struck a chord with Liverpool supporters all over the world and fans on Red and White Kop, the independent Liverpool website, and many other official and unofficial fans forums took it upon themselves over the weekend to try and send a message back to Liam that he was never going to walk alone. The idea was simple: make a flag with a message to Liam, unveil it during the Chelsea game on Tuesday, alert ITV to Liam's plight and pray that the TV cameras pick it up for Liam to see watching back home in his bed in Darlington."

So there you are. That is Liam's tale. Please, if you can, send lots of positive energy to Liam and his family. Help him make it through to at least Tuesday night (and hopefully beyond), so he can watch the big match on TV and see all the banners made to show the fans support. Thank you.

First off, let me start by saying thank you to everybody that's sent me birthday wishes today. 32 years young and counting!

Although I'm still looking for full time employment, I have managed to find myself a part-time position that, while it doesn't pay much, gets me out the house a couple times a week and stops me going stir crazy!!

I've not stopped trying for work though. Have sent off numerous application forms and CV's, and attended a few interviews. I've got another one lined up next week. I would dearly love to get back into administrative work, as that is my main love and where I have spent most of my working life. But I have the security experience I've gained from the last few years as a back up - and it's with the security industry that my interview next week lies.  Work is work, right? And if it's security work the goddess means for me to do, then who am I to argue?!

It's not easy being out of work though. I mean, I'm a worker, I prefer to keep myself busy and enjoy my days off when they come. I don't like sitting around the house not working, watching day time tv all day, or just messing about online for the sake of something to do. And you can only do so much reading! The longer it goes on, the harder it's getting to cope with. I'm generally a positive person at heart and am trying to keep my spirits up by thinking that something will come along sooner or later - but then I thought that a month ago.

I know, when the time is right, the goddess will help me find the right job for me. I just hope that day doesn't take too long in coming.

First off, I'd like to say that - yes folks - I'm back!!! Unfortunately, I still haven't found a new job - although not for the want of trying, but I have - after about 6 months - finally got my home PC fixed, and up and running. And about bleeding time too!!

I would like to thank each and every one of you for all of your kind thoughts and energy sent my way. It really was greatfully received, and has helped me keep my head above water, helped keep me from slipping into a dark, dark place that I had begun to feel myself heading towards. I've been there before. I've had friends that have been there. And I really didn't want to go down that road. And with all the positive energy you guys sent, I have been able to stop myself sinking. So thank you one and all.

I would also like to especially thank my good, dear, friend Willowluna for all her support and her blogs, keeping you all updated with my plight. If it wasn't for her, I don't know what I'd have done. Thank you Willow. You mean so much to me and are an amazing friend.

Now, to a really sad piece of news. I learned yesterday, that an old and very close friend of mine, and fellow covenspacer - Freebird - passed away in what I believe were the early hours of yesterday morning. I knew Freebird for a good 7 years. We were work colleagues as well as friends when we both lived in London. In recent years we moved away from each other, but still kept in touch, visited etc.  To be honest, it was around this time yesterday when his wife Martine called to inform me that he had suffered a massive heart attack. And I'm still in shock, a day later, so I can only imagine what she's going through. We were only on the phone a few days back and he seemed in great spirits. He left a message on one of Willowlunas blogs on Friday just gone. It was totally unexpected. Martine, my sincerest condolances to you and the family, and Nigel, old friend, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I will really miss you.